A man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waitress asks him whether he wants to have something to drink, to which he answers, “A glass of Sancerre, please,” whereupon the waitress responds with the currently ubiquitous and hypertrophic substitute for the affirmative in American English (particularly among younger speakers), “Absolutely.”

For those who lament the demise of the simple word “Yes” and share my animus against its replacement, I offer the following alternatives (in order of personal preference) as an antidote to “Absolutely”:

irrefragably, adv. < irrefragable, adj.: impossible to gainsay, deny, or refute

irrefrangibly, adv. < irrefrangible, adj.: that cannot or must not be broken or violated; inviolable

indefeasibly, adv. < indefeasible, adj.: not defeasible; not capable of or not liable to being annulled or voided or undone; that cannot be forfeited

indisputably, adv. < indisputable, adj.: that cannot be disputed or called into question; that is beyond argument; truly existing; existing beyond the possibility of doubt or denial

indubitably, adv. < indubitable, adj.: not dubitable; not open to question or doubt; too evident to be doubted.